i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
