I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
