Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
