My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
