while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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