"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
