i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
