then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You made out with two different species that night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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