I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
