hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
