So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
