i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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