dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
