I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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