I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
