Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
