I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Randomize
