I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
