Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Randomize
