If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
