i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize