Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
