My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
