Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
