Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
