So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
