are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
