I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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