I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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