hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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