i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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