dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
