Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
