I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
