So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
there's paper in my vomit.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
