I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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