Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
