Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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