My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
