Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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