My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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