Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize