ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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