you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
