wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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