When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
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