Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
