So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
