The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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