remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
