The maid of honor just puked.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize