you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
