i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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