She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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