Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize