my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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