I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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