Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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