Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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