I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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