No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
