I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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