my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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