If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
