it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
