TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
