Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
