he shaved USA in his pubs
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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