the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
