After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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