WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Two words: nipple clamps
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