Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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