Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
