Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
